ego..part 3..

situation now: anak dah selamat tido semua...jap lagi satu hal nak mengangkat sorang2 masuk bilik..still chatting with my sis, erin.

fuhhh...!! lega sket. apa? ingat senang ke jadi surirumah nih? nama je surirumah tau, bukan boleh jadi permaisuri dalam rumah . suri anak tom cruise tu bleh aa kot..hehehheh. penat jadi surirumah nih. now aku paham la kenapa mami (mak mentua) selalu jugak la buat muka bila aku nak drop kejap anak2 aku tu. PENAT! dah la lasak budak2 ni. lagipun dia bukannya muda sangat lagi. aku yang muda ni pun terasa penatnya (yer aa, aku ngadap 3 sekaligus, 24/7!!) apatah lagi dia, kan? aku memula dloo terasa ati gak. tapi skarang dah paham. tu ego la namanya tu. ego seorang ibu. tapi!!! ada satu part yg aku masih terasa sket aa dgn mami nih. it occured masa abah mami dtg umah mak, coz mak ayah nak gi umrah the next day. my kids were making scenes and dalia menunjuk laku (ayat ayah). aku marah dalia depan mami dan mak and she cried. mami cakap "dah tu, jgn nangis. nanti wan marah mama. nanti mama datang rumah wan, wan tak bagi mama makan, tak bagi mama minum kopi.." (mementang aku hantu kopi) my mum was like..errhh?? and we looked at each other. huh..malas nak layan! sampai skang aku kalau gi umah mami, tak nak makan atau minum kopi! protes la konon, sensitip, terasa hati..aaa, ego la tuhh!!! hiks..tapi aku ok dgn mami. part makan ngan minum je aku mengikut rasa. biar..biar si luncai terjun dgn labu2 nyaaaaa!

kak chik (erin) lawak rupanya..tahap cipan atas keldai..paham? aku rasa gen ayah sangkut jugak la kat dia. kat aku pon ada apaaa...

Eireen Rusli: hak3
Eireen Rusli: lucu... lucu...
Era Rusli: lucu?
Era Rusli: adekah ko pon terthn2 ketawa?
Eireen Rusli: kejap.. pikir
Eireen Rusli: rasenye.. tidak la
Era Rusli: bangang!!!
Era Rusli: ko nih kan..
Eireen Rusli: amboi
Eireen Rusli: suka nya!
Eireen Rusli: hish
Era Rusli: tah sesapa punya kes la ko angkut jd kerekter nih
Eireen Rusli: tengok kengkawan laa
Era Rusli: gen ayah kot
Eireen Rusli: eqa la, syuk la..
Era Rusli: ayah pon lawak pe..
Era Rusli: kalau dia ok laa..
Eireen Rusli: mak... tak kelaka ke?
Eireen Rusli: angah, lawak sangap laa
Eireen Rusli: lawak keji sket
Eireen Rusli: nina... ntoh le
Era Rusli: akekekkekeekke
Era Rusli: kakak?
Era Rusli: *aaa..tuh nampak ko tgh antuk kepala*
Eireen Rusli: (mula rasa hairan sambil garu pale)
Era Rusli: mak mane de klaka..
Era Rusli: kalau dia buat lawak, kita ketawa sebab dia ketawa dloo seblom lawak dia abih
Eireen Rusli: haih.,
Eireen Rusli: sebenarnya..
Eireen Rusli: begini,
Eireen Rusli: kita ketawa, sebab kelakar tengok mak ketawa dengan lawak dia yang kelakar bagi dia.
Era Rusli: hohohohohoohhhh
Era Rusli: tak sama ke statement tuh
Eireen Rusli: ha'ah ekkkkkkkkkk
Eireen Rusli: sama la pulak
Eireen Rusli: malu pulaks.
Era Rusli: chik..nak kene luku?
Era Rusli: hehehehehe
Era Rusli: adoih..sakit dada..

tu la kami. siapa sangka leh sembang cenggitu? aku pon tak sangka!!! cemana agaknya kalau ayah reti plak ber YM nih, kan? teringat masa dia memula nak celik IT. dgn cermin mata dia, dok depan pc, taip satu, satu. keh keh keh. sib baik bapak aku, kalau org lain, aku tinggalkan dah..maleh nak ajar. tapi tak lama pon..kejap jek..dia dah rasa bosan. mungkin bukan zaman dia kot. but nowadays i've been told by angah, ayah dah layan laptop..hebatttt! go ayah!!!
bila baca blog kakchik, aku tgk gaya bahasa dia bleh thn gak la. english..waaayyyy better than mine when i was her age. kenkawan dia pon hebat gak. grammar error? biasa aaa...lom masak lagi..baru nak ranum dgn bahasa. part yang dia tulis pasal ayah tuh..mengimbas kenangan lalu. ha ha ha..apa yang ayah cakap pasal sahabat tu betul. ko ingat kak lynn chik?
dia la satu2 nya kawan aku yang ayah paling tak suka. my dad, i think..got sixth sense. dia kalau tak suka, tak suka sungguh. abih la aku ni di makinya, sebab kawan dgn lynn tuh. but bila lynn dtg umah, dia kontrol la. still leh senyum dan sambut salam lynn. masa tuh wonder juga, apsal dia tak suka sangat dgn lynn, walhal lynn tuh la kawan baek aku masa tuh. then, bila masa itu tibaaa...aku paham kenapa. tak yah la cerita..biarlah rahsia...kenkawan lelaki aku pon sama gak..kalau ayah tak suka, dia sound aku gila2! but NOT in front of the person himself. berbahasa bapak aku nih. dia takkan memarah org tak tentu pasal.

masa aku kecik dulu (takde la kecik mana, aku dr dulu mmg bdn besar) anak razak ikan buat hal, kerek dgn aku (tah apa dia buat tah, aku tak ingat) pastuh aku maki dia kot, dia nangis (bodo nye jantan, takde telur..). poyo kan? dah la jantan, tua dari aku lak tuh, siap leh nangis dan ngadu kat bapak dia. bapak dia pon dgn bodo dan blagaknya dtg umah aku marah2. ayah pon apalagaiiiii....tepuk tampar (bukan dgn cara yang mesra) aku la depan2 diorang anak beranak. dah jadi cam drama swasta dah (bapak aku keje swasta..). cipan hanjing tol!! pastuh dgn bodonya, terus diorang rasa puas hati. sesambil berambus dari rumah aku, si setan tuh bleh plak ejek2 aku lagi. sib baik bapak aku lom masuk umah..kot tak, melayang selipar berserta ludahan aku kat kepala dia. budusss!! aku sampai skaang ingat scene tuh. tapi tak ambik ati sket pon, sebab jantan setan tuh dah berjaya menggolongkan dirinya dalam org2 tak berguna malaysia. big loser!! dah lah bodoh, suka blagak, sapa nak kawan dgn dia? sib baik ada org 'buta' nak kawen dgn dia. har har har..kasar siot bahasa aku ini malam...dah..cukup ahh..penat..

*********************************************************

ego..part 2..

instead of nescafe, aku buat sirap jek.

Anak2? Dalia ngan lili dah tido..Yad? tgh terkebil-kebil. kejap sakit nonet..kejap saakit gigi, kejap kang sakit kaki. Papa dah log out YM. nak mandi dan tido katanya. esok nak kena setup pepagi. btw, dia ke kuantan ikut abah (bapak dia) ada job..tolong2 abah dia. and...abah bought him new hp! u should see how he reacted. balik dgn tak sabar2 tunjuk kat aku..the look on his face, berseri gila. like what i told abah, macam budak 10 thn dapat adiah hari jadi. aku plak yang keseronokan bila tgk dia seronok. tak dapat nak digambarkan ke excited an dia. thank you abah!!

ptg td, tgh layan facebook, accepting request etc, tetiba ternampak ada satu application..

add send kfc.

kfc!!??!! giler babeng! ada gak tuh! agak menggelegak jugak la perut aku nih. tapi takpe..nafsu leh kontrol. dulu masa keje kat cybercafe @ kompleks PKNS, aku rasa manager kfc tu kenal dah dgn aku. siap bagi diskaun lagi tiap kali aku dtg. sib baik la masa tuh aku kering. kalau tak, sure aku ngorat dah dia. wakakakkaka..ensem gak oo..sabahan. TAPI!!! skang pon dapat sabahan apa..jodoh..hak hak hak..ehh..?? aa..jap..yad dah tido..terngigau plak...kacau aa dia nih..

************************************************

ego ke aku? apsal? tak boleh?

part 1

situation: tgh susukan lili sambil chatting dgn kak chik dan papa (kat kuantan) dgn rumah yg huru hara dibuat dek ziyad dan dalia, with a mug of nescafe on the side.

bila sembang2 dgn adik aku, rasa mcm org dewasa plak. budak2 zaman dia ni, aku rasa dah terlebih maju aa..chatting with her makes me feel like having an adult conversation. lawak pon ada juga dia nih..sengal betol..!! aku ada tanya dia pasal karakter aku as a big sis. dia leh sound aku plak being emo!! ada ke patut? hehehe..tp mmg aku kuat emosi. bila menyentuh bab adik2 dan keluarga, apatah lagi hal suami dan anak2. biasa...aku kan ke pisces...ikan beb..sensitip!! kadang2 suami aku pon bengang juga dgn tahap kesensitifan aku yg kadang2 terlampau. heh, jgn marah aa bang..
aku memang cenggini kot. tapi..bila dgn kenkawan, aku manaage la nak kontrol. mungkin nak jaga ego kot. sape kata pompuan takde ego? as a popular and quite bright student kat skola, aku punya ego..bleh thn tinggi gak la..bak kata laki aku, aku suka being popular. hah!! ye ke? tapi bila pk2 balik..lu pikir la sendiri!!!! hak hak hak...

Eireen Rusli: hahaha adehh
Eireen Rusli: eh eh
Eireen Rusli: kata nak wat new post?
Era Rusli: tgh la ni
Era Rusli: sesambil
Era Rusli: kakak kan terer
Era Rusli: ngehhhh

tu..contoh ego tuh..hehehe..tp pada adik2 aku, diorang dah biasa kot. alamak..!nescafe dah abis..jap, nak buat lagi..

********************************

Dalili dah tumbuh gigi!!!

Assalamualaikum...

Genap usia dia sembilan bulan, dah tumbuh gigi! Inilah anak aku yang paling hebat. Belum mencecah usia setahun pun lagi, dah merangkak (laju plak tu), dah pandai berdiri, dah mula nak meniti, dah pandai panggil 'mama', dah pandai main 'pok amai-amai', dah pandai menunjukkan ekspresi dan macam2 lagi. Yang tak terjangka boleh dibuat oleh budak yg belum sethn. As a mother, yes..I feel proud. Mak aku kata, adik2 akan lebih pandai dari kakak/ abang dia. Ye la kot. Aku rasa pun begitu. Dah la Dalia tu bijak, Ziyad lagi bijak..Dalili pulak, makin bijak. Semuanya bijak2 la kiranya! Aku dulu takde la bijak sangat..tapi adik2 aku semua bleh tahan hebat juga. Yang kecik tu aku nak perati. Nampak cam bijak juga tp sama naik pulak dgn perut dia..Edry..edry...ngehngehngeh..
Berbalik pada cerita Dalili. bila dalam keadaan menyusu badan sepenuhnya ni, dia dah tumbuh gigi..itu boleh dikategorikan sebagai mimpi ngeri ala-ala ngilu jugak la pada mama dia nih. Haih..!! takkan nak cerita details kot? err..tapi takde yang bawah umo baca blog aku nih kan? kwn2 si erin pun dah tua2 dah..hiks!! tapi Dalili (kitorang panggil darling) memang hebat. tengok dia ketawa, senyum dan menangis, rasa seronok. bak kata erin 'comel bangettt!!' hehehe.
Nak cerita pasal anak2, memang tak abis. last saturday night, pegi jenjalan ke shah alam kejap, pusing2 area stadium malawati. papa nak tgk persiapan Rentak Juara kat sana. ada kawan2 dia masuk final (cherish 2000). tapi tgk dr luar je. pack sangat. tiba-tiba..

"ah..papa! mcm mana ni..!"

"apsal dalia?"

"yaya nak kencing!"

ah sudah..papa kepanikan.

"ma tak pakai kan dalia pempes ke?"

"la, kan dah besar, tak yah la pakai pempes lagi. papa kata nak ajar dalia tak pakai pempes. pg la petronas tu kejap, bawak dia gi toilet."

"mana nak pusing, jauh la petronas tu. tak sempat kang.."

"papa! cepatlah. yaya nak kencing kat toilet ni!!"

"isk..ye laa..papa nak cari la ni. yaya tunggu kejap yea.."

dah la packed kat stadium malawati tu, org ramai dok tgk raptai rentak juara. kat stadium besar ada final plak, kedah vs selangor (kalah selangor, hampeh!!), terkeluar jugak la peluh gelabah papa dia, walaupun aircond full..

last-last...

papa berenti kat tepi jalan dekat apartment acapella tu (seberangnya, imagine sendri la..keluar dr tpt parking kat giant, ikut susur tepi apartment apa ntah yg depan giant tuh)..

pa bukak pintu, dalia tanya "knp papa pegi sini?"

"la, kan tadi dalia kata nak kencing. kencing kat sini lah."

teka..apa reaksi dalia?
mengamuk dia!

"ala..takmau! yaya nak kencing kat toilet la!!!!"

tapi, agaknya dia sendiri pun dah tak tahan..ikut kan aje lah. papa pun bukak kan sluar dalia, pakai selipar, cangkung kat tepi jalan (kat rumput, sure tumbuh pokok the next day! ha ha!) dan ssyyyyyhhhh...

hehehe..lawaks! bila dah siap tu, dalia dgn muka muncung dan termalu-malu komplen kat mama, "apa la papa ni. sakit bontot yaya kena tajam-tajam.."

"haiks? apa yang tajam?" mama tanya..

"tu la, rumput tu tajam. dia cucuk bontot yaya.." muekekekkekeke...ketawa je la kitorang..

aa..seblom terlupaaa...masa keluar dari rumah (lepas maghrib) pa singgah 7e kejap, beli air. budak2 biasalah, mesti nak air coklat. pa belikan mama wong lo kat (bagus untuk sejukkan badan) dan papa minum teh herba; apa ntah nama dia..lupa. tetiba papa kelihatannya kesakitan.

"uhh..uhh.."

"apsal pa?"

--skrekk..teng!--(ini sound effect)

"cilakak betol!" papa menyumpah..

apsal ekk? cuba bayang kan sound effect di atas...

(dlm pada korang pecah kepala membayangkan situasi sebenar, aku pecah perut ketawa!)







misai papa beb! tersangkut kat pembukak tin minuman tuh!!! kah kah kah! berair mata dia. adoih la..bingit kereta juara papa tu dgn gelak ketawa aku..papa pun tak dapat tahan, ketawa jugak!!! budak2? bingung kejap..hehehe

hakikatnya..sabtu malam minggu 21/6/2008; hari lawak sedunia!

this week's chronology (June 2 - 8, 2008)

*Monday June 2, 08.

Spent the night's at mums. Papa was on emergency leave. Dalili was not well, brought her to the clinic. Went for sight seeing for a while then straight home. Abah and Mami came after Isyak. Brought knick-knacks from wedding ceremony they attended the day before and kids milk. Papa left for Jamming Studio, back around midnight.


*Tuesday June 3, 08.

Nothing much happened. Paid extra attention to Dalili, for she's having fever. Symptoms seen on her sister and brother too. Called mum in Mekah, just to say hi and chat a little. Papa's working, back around 8pm.


*Wednesday June 4, 08.

I started feeling blue. Got dizzy and pain headache. Rest (if i could) most of the time. Around noon, papa called. Informing that the oil price will increase 0.78/litre starting midnight. He was with Abah at Alam Sentral. They hang around quite often, lately. Good, eh? Then around 8pm papa called again. Asked me to pick him up at my mum's. His Juara ran out of fuel. Can't make it home. Petrol station got congested. I went to mum's with my children, pick him up, went to sect. 7 to have dinner (simple ones) and straight home. That night, Ziyad and me, got fever. I checked on Dalia and Dalili, they seem ok.


*Thursday June 5, 08.

Ziyad got up early. We were awaken by Dalia's singing (mayfirst..lambang sejati!). Turned out she was dreaming. ha ha..Dalili was still asleep. Woke her up around 9. Papa refuel our Matrix for the journey, bathe Dalia and Ziyad (and himself too) and around 9.30 we off to mum's. Dalili and I aren't bathing yet. hehehe..but we weren't stinks. arrived at mum's around 10.00. Papa needed to rush for a site visit. He was picked up by his colleague at 10.30. Attended my children, checking up Dalia, she was on fever! Checked my sister and brother, bathe Dalili, and do some laundry. I finally got a chance to bathe around noon, right after I ordered McD for lunch. Done at 12.15pm, got down, McD's arrived, and I was ready to feed porridge for my kids. When I turned to Dalia, she was lying on the sofa helplessly. A trace of vomit can be seen but she seem unaware of it. I called her name repeatedly but she seem lost. I was so afraid. Her eyes weren't looking at me and she didn't respond to my call. I looked for a napkin to wet it and wipe her, to cool her off a bit. Then my sister yelled; Dalia vomit again. Badly. I rushed to her, caressed her, cleaned the puke, kept calling her with tears in my eyes. Her pupils wasn't normally at the place. Terbeliakdan hanya memandang ke atas. I urged my sister to call Papa. Dalia's finally responded but very weakly. Then she cried. I grabbed the phone from my sis and my hubby's got a little anxious too. He asked me to bring Dalia to the clinic and I was kinda mad coz I need to handle 3 kids on my own. But!! For the sake of my Dalia's life, I rushed to the clinic. My sis got CAT exam that day, she couldn't come along, but she manage to put my little Dalili on the baby car seat. I asked my brother Edry instead, just to watch over Ziyad. I carried my 17kg Dalia, to the car. My Dalili was crying and screaming like hell, I finally got to hold her on my lap, all the way to the clinic. Luckily I am the type of person who can think double fast and double wise when i got panicked. Drove slightly faster that i should but Dalia especially and my passengers (kids and bro) generally was the only in my mind. Then papa called, on the way to the clinic too. When I arrived at the clinic, one more problem arose. 'How the heck am I going to carry both of my girls?' I got no choice then to carry them both. Yes, I carried them BOTH! Dalili on the front and Dalia on my back. With slip disc injury history, I prayed that God bless me with extra strength. 20 steps from the car park to the clinic entrance, felt like 2000 steps to reach Mount Kinabalu. Dalia was still crying; on and off actually. Put her on the couch, registering, nursed my Dalili and wait for our turn. 10 minutes passed, papa arrived. Dalia cried, louder. She's papa's girl, by the way. Papa carried her. Calm her down. She was highly on fever, very hot. Met the doc, Dalia's checked, we went back to mum's. Papa called office, reporting for emergency leave, again. I packed our things at mum's and went home. Dalia fallen asleep till 5pm, all that she asked when she woke up was: milk. I gave her boiled sausage, she ate only one. We went out to get fresh air, bought nasi lemak for dinner, she had it with sausage, mine was with beef rendang (but I vomit it all out a few moments later; I wasn't fully recovered from my dizziness and slight fever) and papa need to go to our studio, got jamming session again. Kids asleep at 9.30pm.


*Friday June 6,08.


Dalia was recovering well, slowly. Starting to have appetite to eat. I made her nasi impit and chicken soup. Cooked some rice for us too. She ate quite well. I was so relieved. Papa bathe the children, today. I still got dizzy and no appetite. Vomiting almost anything that got in. Poor me!
Papa came back early, after Jumaat around 3.30pm. Kids were asleep. Papa rest a while, and so was I. Around 6pm, we went out to Pantai Remis. Kids were so happy. Got home around 7.30pm, bathed and out again for late dinner around 9. Here comes the best part..Papa got sued! By the traffic police! He hit the red light. Earlier on, I was jokingly threatened Ziyad, to get him to sit tight or I'll call the police to get him. Didn't think it will be true! Just it wasn't for Ziyad but for Papa. ha ha ha..at least we got something to laugh at..off to sect 7, had dinner. went straight home with laughter for the nights closure. Glad, kids are ok. :) Alhamdulillah.


*Saturday June 7, 08.

Got up early. Made breakfast, simple ones; wedges and chicken nuggets.

Papa on his laptop computer, work. Then suddenly he said, 'ma, let's go for a movie..but don't tell the kids yet till we get the tickets.' I said, 'now? really? with the kids? are you sure?' He nodded and we get dressed.

Kids did ask but I told them we are going for a ride around the city. I dressed them with jeans and long sleeve t-shirt/ blouse. The look of wonder still can be seen on their faces for jeans only be worn if we are going to somewhere special and far. This shows how bright my kids are. They know, we weren't just going for a ride. We went to Bukit Tinggi, papa queued for tickets and there! we are officially going to watch a movie; the whole family!! It has been almost 4 years since papa and me been to a movie. We stopped when we got Dalia. How to, right? Finally..I can see that papa looks very happy. We watched Kung Fu Panda. Kids are all ok. Dalili was soundly asleep. As we thought would happen, Ziyad couldn't sit still. Normal. But towards the end of the movie, he fell asleep. I can sense that this might be our monthly activity; watching movies!! But it will all depending on financial situation which gets tighter this month. Fuhh!!..
Around 5pm we went home. Asked my hubby to look for my childhood friends' house nearby our place. Till 7pm we still couldn't find it and the best part, we were confused by nature. Supernatural? hmm.. No comment. We went along Jalan Benteng, to look for my friends' house, turned out it was not there. Got out through Jalan Kenangan, headed home but then papa said let's try again. We turn right at the junction before the big tokong but then suddenly we were at Jalan Benteng again. Uh?? Scary? Nahh..just confused. I am still wondering though..how did we end up at the path we passed quite far. Nevermind, let it remain a mystery.


*Sunday June8, 08.

It's my dad's birthday. he's 56 today. "Happy birthday, ayah!!" I called and wished him exactly at noon, today. He's in Mekah and it was 7am there. He sounded happy. Glad that he is!

Nothing much then today..am having sore throat, kids are all making scenes, I don't know why and let them be, papa at work, earning extra income and ciao!!

-the end-

urgghh...!!!

Lately there were so many things that kept me at full astir. With house chores (this is everyday stress contributor), kids, looking after my little sis and bro at my parent's (they left for umrah, remember?), 5th anniversary and my youngest girl in fever, last Friday. But believe it or not I can still manage to squeeze a little space to be online; blogging or spend my few ten's of minutes on Facebook.I guess that's the only way I could find peace, and release a little tense out of me. Now as my kids asleep, I tend to blog, check on my brother's rock-melon website, browsing through my Studio Anggerik website and of course, my Facebook.
As usual, I have lots of things in mind, to be jotted down here. But (as usual, again) got envied by time. Being a full-time housewife is not fun, you know. Fun is something you need to search for; carefully by being a full-time housewife. A little relax, yes. As you don't have to catch deadlines or seeking commissions or whatsoever. But the stressed is tripled! Why? Obviously, I am working 24/7, babe. Regret? Never. I am proud to be a housewife. Very glad with the path chosen 5 years ago. Financial problems? Occurred once in a while (err..every other month, I believe) but manage, or at least trying to manage it wisely. The most important thing is, I get to see my kids growth, in front of my very eyes. I can manage my husband's needs. I can be here, whenever he needs me. I am ready and prepared whenever he needs a shoulder to cry on or maybe just to nagging or babbling about stress at work. See? I am not having fun. People should pay extra credit and respect for women whose called 'housewife'. Like my mother-in-law for instant, she is a housewife for so long and yes, she looks tired. She's only 53 but she looks older. Well, she has no little kids to be taken care of, except one of her grandchild (my younger sis-in-law's) but still she's tired. Pity her, of course. But my father-in-law showers her with love, everyday. I can see that. He' ll bring her out on weekends, visiting relatives here and there, or just sight seeing in KL or Damansara. Shop for groceries at Tesco or Carrefour, and dine together, just the two of them. Sweet, isn't it? Well, they don't have to worry about losing little kids at the mall, or cleaning up the mess after meal at the restaurant. Now it's their time to have fun and relax. Hopefully they'll stay healthy.
My parents? They both are working, still. Dad with his rock-melon farm, with help from my brother. My mum is an officer in the Inland Revenue Board (LHDN). Unlike my in-laws, my parents still have young kids to be sent to school and college. Well, only two left. And of course, at the age of 56 (dad) and 50 (mum) they tend to get tired as well. I hope they will be strong and well, forever!! They seem quite outgoing too. My kid brother been telling me how they went shopping together (at least once a week; my sis Eireen need to re-stock her college needs), dining at Secret Recipe or Manhattan Fish Market, and stuff. Yes, they are busy but still managed to find some time to relax and have fun. Besides, less burden my parents carrying. Me, the first child, married and no longer with them (under one roof), so is my brother Eriq (but he always there, as he continues my dad's legacy in business. Plus, his responsibility is high being the eldest boy in our siblings) and my 3rd sis Eleena, a government officer in Putrajaya now, under Ministry of Science, Technology and Innovation. She seldom home, for she's renting a room in an apartment there. Travelling from home to Putrajaya is fuel and toll disaster! It's good that she rent a room there. Save cost!
My kid-sisters followed my mum's dream, to study accountancy (Eireen's taking CAT) and being a govt. officer. I was in accountancy course, once. Back in 1997. But I quit. Took only one semester. Why? Well, I was not into accountancy. I am more into broadcasting or mass-communication. Mum said back then, accountancy is the perfect course for the future. I agreed. That's why I managed to finish my Pre-Accountancy course. I failed one subject though. I thought that was the end of it, but no. Got an offer to continue my Diploma. But I hid the offer letter. Truth is, I overheard my parents talking about college fees (me, in ITM, my bro was going to UTM, taking degree in Physics Industry). So I thought, what the heck..Hid the letter and seek for jobs. In my heart, felt kind of happy for I don't have to study subjects I don't like (but now kind of regret it..ha ha). So I told my parents I couldn't continue, and let angah (Eriq) moved on. His fees were around RM1000++ and mine was only 300++. And so he graduated. Me? Moved on doing what I like and working in various companies and places. From a cybercafe in PKNS, to my own Era Shoppe at Pekan KF Alam Sentral, to MPH bookstore Alam Sentral, then KLIA airport limo and last but not least, Ambank Berhad. Good for my resume, you know. :) I have never had the regret by letting go this or that and doing what I thought was right. I know what I should do. A little sacrifice (if you can call it so) won't do me any harm. Look at me now. And look at my brothers and sisters. We are all happy and successful, in our own way and view, of course. I hope this is enough to make our parents proud.

Emotional

greetings..

First thing first. Got a new friend, from India named Manish. hmm..wondering how did I get to know him? Well, to my surprise he IM'd me. Was quite a shock when he suddenly appear from nowhere, for his name is not listed as friends or families in my YM list. Asked him how did he 'get' me and he said, from the blog site. ?????????? Blog? Yes. He read my blog. While chatting with him, I kinda smiled, knowing that someone from the other part of the world, reading my blog. it was a nice feeling though. Welcome, Manish! To my friends whom I've known for so long, and my sis in law's friends who doesnt have any bf yet, Manish is quite good looking, girls!! duhhh! hehehe.

Secondly, my mum and dad are off to Makkah tomorrow. Flight at around 3.30pm. As for me, am staying at mum's tonight. So that I can see them off tomorrow. Feel kinda awkward. Missed them already. Emotional eh? My brother told me the same thing too that I am too emotional sometimes. My husband agreed, believe it or not. This is what my bro said to me via email;

aku rasa lg satu memang kau ni terlalu sensitif. pasal mak ayah nak pergi umrah ker apa ker, bukan dah cofirm lama, baru jer dpt confirm pasal sekrg ni nak pg umrahpun penuh. So, takderla nak kecoh2. aku pun ayah tak ckp nak umrah cuma aku tau sdiri je and bagi aku tak perlu pun mak ayah nak bagi tau yer yer semua kita diorg nak pg umrah tu, famili kita kan sempoi2, tak mau la mcm drama swasta..... takder apa2 lah. Konsepnya mudah juga, bila dpt tau apa2, cuma ckp "la... mak nak g umrah ker... bila?... ok" atau "la.. bila nak pergi vacation tu?.... ooo... ok", tu ajerler.... bebudak ni pun tak tau apa2...

Well, I don't take it deeply in my heart for what he said is true. I am sensitive. What to do?

To my dear friend Ninie, since you are in Dubai and if you have time, fly to Makkah and look for my parents, can you? haha..crazy request. She's my good friend. Bet she must be feeling kind of in a mess now if she reads my request. hehehe..just kidding Ninie..

Lately I'm feeling mixed. Got these kinds of happy, uncertain, discomfort, lucky and so many other feelings inside of me at one time. Wondering why....(ninie, I am NOT pregnant, again).

Happy Mother's Day

Mother's day. what did i do on that day? did i wish my mum? my mum in law? NOPE. why? I do not know.

***************************************************************************************


well, i did send a msg to kak chik, to ask her to wish my mum. and i called mum yesterday, wished her myself. sembang about few things kejap and hung up. thought nak pinjam duit, tak terkeluar kata2. mak mentioned about kenduri kawen adik dan ayu (my cousins), mak kata pak lang nak pakai P.A zairi. ok, dah bgtau zairi. then sebut plak pasal kenduri Johan, anak Busu Milah. mak kata mak tak dapat pergi but wakilkan aku dan angah.

"apsal mak tak pegi?

"mak kan nak pegi umrah.."

"umrah? bila? kakak tak tau pun?"

"eh? mak tak cakap ke? mak ingat dah bgtau semua. mak tgk semua mcm dah tau jek.."

"mak ni, kakak kan anak yang sulung..."

kata2 aku terhenti di situ. kecik hati aku hanya tuhan yang tahu. mak cuma ketawa pahit di hujung talian. mungkin terasa kot.


entahlah. mak memang mcm tu dgn aku dari dulu. ayah pun sama. kenapa? aku pun tak tau. mungkin sebab aku ni byk buat hal dulu kot. sudahnya, aku dok terasa hati dari hari ke hari dgn mak bapak sendiri. mungkin dulu mak ayah byk terasa hati dgn aku kot, jadi Tuhan balas pulak kat aku. betullah, Tuhan bayar cash sekarang. sedih rasa hati. tapi tak terucap dgn kata-kata. beratnya segala perasaan dalam hati buat aku selalu rasa tak selesa. i'm not feeling well lately, mungkin related to what i feel inside. God, give me strength. byk lagi yg perlu dilakukan. byk lagi yang mesti aku katakan.


ayah, kakak sayang ayah. tp kadang2 kakak terasa ayah tak sayang kakak. kalau kakak datang, ayah mcm tak suka. mak kata ayah memang mcm tu. ya, kakak tau. tp perasaan sedih tak boleh kakak sorok dan simpan lama2. byk pertanyaan terbuku dalam kepala. ayah, kenapa?

mak, kakak sayang mak jugak. bila dah kawen, br banyak benda kita boleh sembangkan bersama. kakak wonder, knp dr dulu kita tak mcm tu? kalau dr dulu kita leh sembang2 selalu, gurau senda, dsb mesti seronok, kan? mak tgk nona ahad lepas? yang istimewa hari ibu? mak anggap kakak anak yang mcm mana ek? kakak byk kecewakan mak dan ayah ye? apa yang kakak boleh buat lagi mak>? kakak nak juga rasa mcm mana mak ayah sayang angah, nina, kak chik dan adik. masalahnya, kakak tak nampak. yang kakak nampak cuma kemesraan mak dan ayah dgn adik2. kakak mcm dah terkeluar dari senarai 'anak2 mak & ayah'. kakak sedih mak.

ampunkan kakak, mak. ampunkan kakak, ayah.

too many things..

Recently, my husband and I been talking quite a lot about the nation; our beloved country, Malaysia and the political scenario here. Including the current issues, regarding consumer products, high price of rice and music industry. Plus a little here and there about petrol and toll fees. Been exchanging emails with my cousin and she complaints about the same matters too. How business got affected and what will the future be, now that we are living under the opposition government here in Selangor. It does hurt, actually. The affection is quite bad I should say. For a new beginner in business sector, this situation is scary.
Watching the news lately, there are lots of disoriented ways of managing the state by the opposition party. There are still poor people here and there, which they promises the mountain even they couldn't even afford to give them an ant bush. The people are important. Not the money flows. The biggest pig farm in S.E Asia? Where does the sanity and sensitivity goes? But then, as I told my cousin, looking at the bright side, the opposition winnings recently did give a smack right at the faces of the BN party members (or should I say, leaders?) for not listening to the people. For neglecting the needs and the voices of the people of Malaysia. For being too confident and too comfortable on the seat that certainly can't bear their weight forever. They have forgotten about the will and trust given and now they let the people suffer for their mistakes.
I am looking forward for what will they do in order to gain back trust and reduce the anger of the people nationwide. Have they ever wonder why did the anger arise? It's simple. Ignorance. So now I think they have to work harder than usual to mend the broken hearts of many people and I bet it won't be easy. We shall wait, and see.

clogged mind

assalamualaikum..

i have lots of things to be loaded down onto this page actually. it is just that my mind sort of clogged. too many things wander and too many things to remember. tired and getting more tired everyday. wonder why...
life is just great. with healthy and lovely and active kids, my life is full. plus a loving husband (even he sometimes doesn't show it; or maybe he doesn't know how to) life is fun. at least that's what i feel. but that doesn't mean that i am always happy and laughing and smiling. there are other things too that blocking my happy mood to be expressed one whole day to the whole world but i accept it as it is. if i want to jot down here or to make listings of things that make me happy and unhappy each day, the page just wont fit.
i am actually not a person who likes to express my feelings. i am the kind who like to hide it and keep things to myself. i don't know whether i can still carry the burden that's been loading since long time ago. i am afraid of what it might do to me. thank god, i have Him. whenever i got angry, stressed or tensed, i refer to Him. He may not answer or comfort me right away but at least i feel relieved. i want to be closer to Him everyday. i'm trying to do so. it's hard, that's true. but i will, in order to achieve calmness and cleaner, brighter, more relaxed mind and heart.

Ya Allah, hamba Mu ini amat memerlukan limpahan kasih sayang Mu. Bantulah aku, ya Allah. Hanya Kau yang maha mengetahui dan maha memahami segala yang bergolak dalam jiwa dan bermain dalam mindaku.