tiba-tiba teringat dekat adik bongsu aku yang sorang nih. last night i was dreaming about him. and other past memories of mine. tapi yang paling menusuk hati ialah mimpi aku ttg adik. it actually happened. and it was a sad moment. tu yang termimpi kot.
it was 2002. i wasn't married yet but engaged (with zairi, of course). Edry was only 5 years old. i fetched him from school (pre school at Masjid SSAAS). nak dijadikan cerita, my fiance called. i dont remember what we were talking about but i was kinda pissed. and edry was bugging and interrupting like hell (biasa la, budak2, banyak cakap) ignoring that i was on the phone. i told him to be quite. he didn't hear me, i guess.
when my fiance couldnt really heard me, then i burst out with edry. 'Diamlah!! Tak nampak ke kakak tengah buat apa?!' i yelled and shouted at him. and there was silence everywhere. i hung up the phone. with anger filled in me. edry was looking out the window. we were at the traffic light (it was red) at the T junction in front of Concorde hotel, Shah Alam.
I can tell that he was shocked. Suddenly i saw him sobbing (he was holding it back hard, couldn't hear him, just his shoulder's moving). I felt bad. Really bad. I called him, 'dik..' and he turned to me with red eyes. OMG! what have i done? I can't help my tears from falling down and by seeing this, edry burst out with tears too. I said, 'dah..dah..dengar cakap kakak. kalau kakak tgh cakap dlm fon, adik jgn la menyampuk, ok?' he nodded and crossed over to sit on my lap, crying like hell. I drove home with him hugging me so tight, on my lap. when we reached home, i asked him why the silence and the cry? he said 'kita takut. kita tak penah tengok kakak marah macam tu.' i sighed.
true. i never scolded any of my siblings like that. well, maybe Eriq. for he's only a year younger than me and we were not so get-along. but not others. not eleena, not eireen and not edry. at least, not blindly. scolded eleena once or twice (maybe more) but that was because of something naughty she did and i was just doing what an elder sister should do. I am not an angel. i've been naughty, and bad. Certainly i dont want any of my sisters or brothers be like that. if eleena happened to read this, kakak cuma nak cakap, kakak sayang adik2 kakak. kakak marah mesti bersebab. kakak kesal for whatever happened between me and you. and kakak truly wants the best for you. as to edry, if you still remember this incident, kakak minta maaf. be good, ok? dah besar dah sekarang, kan? dah 11 tahun dah. tolong-tolong sikit buat kerja rumah tu. jangan nak makan tido je. walaupun bongsu, jangan jadi malas. jangan tunggu kak chik dan nina balik, buat semuanya. jangan harapkan mak dan ayah je. dah pandai masak sikit2, janganlah pulak nak makan je kejenye. ok?
now that i am married, lots of things happen around me with kids and family. now i know the feelings. it is kinda hard to keep everything in pace and in control. am glad though, being here watching my kids grow. and my siblings? the have grown well and beautiful and successful. as a big sis (i AM big), i'm proud of them. I do!