10 malam terakhir..

Menantinya, mengujakan. Namun mengenang amalan yg sedikit dan tak seberapanya, mendukacitakan. Kerap terngiang-ngiang dalam hujung sedar, apa mungkin dipertemukan dengan Malam Qadar; sekali lagi. Apa mungkin segala doa, diterima Allahu Rabbi.

Namun sungguh, aku bersyukur kerana dipilihNya untuk sedar akan baik buruk suatu perkara dan tindakan, sebelum tersasar terlalu jauh, sebelum jalan pulang perlu disuluh. 

Masih banyak yang perlu digali dan dicari. Masih terlalu banyak kekurangan diri yang perlu diperbaiki. Moga terus diberi keteguhan iman dan ketabahan hati. Moga terus dibimbing dan dikasihi.

Insya Allah.

My darling Dalili 2

Poor my darling Dalili. She'll be wearing this fiberglass cast till after Raya. Luckily, its a fiberglass cast; lighter. I was so frustrated when the doctor said she has to continue wearing it, the last time I brought her to the hospital for second checkup/ follow up.

When we bought her a new pair of Raya shoes, and she asked whether she can wear it, I was torn. How can she? She's turning 4 this coming Malaysia Day (Sept 16 2011), and watching her like this, burning me inside and out.

But she's still can't sit tight. She's an active girl, what can I say? Since the cast is a bit lighter now, she's started jumping around again. Been raising my voice, been slow-talking to her, this cheeky little darling of mine is so stubborn. :p

Sometimes she whines, uncomfortable with her cast. I feel helpless. What can I do to lessen her burden? Not a day goes by that I don't cry watching her while she's asleep. Really hope that after Raya, she'll be fully recovered. According to the doctor, she won't remember that she has had a broken leg, even after 15 years time. Let's hope the doctor's right. Ya Allah, please help my darling Dalili.

Next follow up, 6 September 2011; 10 days to my sister's wedding.

Ya Rabbi, permudahkanlah segalanya. Kasihanilah anak kecilku ini.

My darling Dalili

kesian dia. but still boleh lagi senyum. but now, Darling dah ok. next week maybe bukak cast. dia mengadu rimas je. tak selesa. gatal, tp nak garu tak boleh. kesian anak mama. masa dpt tau result x-ray, rasa jantung macam nak luluh. terus rasa marah dan geram pada papa dia, sebab delay2. sbb sibuk sgt dgn kerja. terus air mata bergenang; sedih dan marah. tp sekejap jek. benda dah jadi, apa nak marah2 lagi. bulan puasa pulak tu. anggap dugaan je. but lepas tu, papa cakap 'ok ma. marah la papa, pukul la papa..' oh! sedih, ok? hehehehe..

hopefully next checkup, darling dah ok sepenuhnya.

tak larat dah sebenarnya nak berdukung je tiap kali mandi, berak, kencing etc. anak2 lain pun kena urus juga. baru nak duduk kang, anak kecik nak susu, dah tu kang si sakit nak berak, itu ini begitu begini. tau, dah nature suri rumah begitu, but as a human being, aku penat juga. bila hubby ckp dia penat bekerja, aku berkata juga dlm hati, 'kalau aku pun bekerja, dah tentu aku buat kerja rumah juga, kan? urus anak juga, kan?' tp nanti sure balasan kata2 nya ialah: 'itu dah tugas isteri'

so, malas nak argue, malas nak fikir panjang dan sakitkan kepala, lantakkan aje. kalau aku diam je tu..tau la dia aku marah dgn dia. hehehe..