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Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Emotional

greetings..

First thing first. Got a new friend, from India named Manish. hmm..wondering how did I get to know him? Well, to my surprise he IM'd me. Was quite a shock when he suddenly appear from nowhere, for his name is not listed as friends or families in my YM list. Asked him how did he 'get' me and he said, from the blog site. ?????????? Blog? Yes. He read my blog. While chatting with him, I kinda smiled, knowing that someone from the other part of the world, reading my blog. it was a nice feeling though. Welcome, Manish! To my friends whom I've known for so long, and my sis in law's friends who doesnt have any bf yet, Manish is quite good looking, girls!! duhhh! hehehe.

Secondly, my mum and dad are off to Makkah tomorrow. Flight at around 3.30pm. As for me, am staying at mum's tonight. So that I can see them off tomorrow. Feel kinda awkward. Missed them already. Emotional eh? My brother told me the same thing too that I am too emotional sometimes. My husband agreed, believe it or not. This is what my bro said to me via email;

aku rasa lg satu memang kau ni terlalu sensitif. pasal mak ayah nak pergi umrah ker apa ker, bukan dah cofirm lama, baru jer dpt confirm pasal sekrg ni nak pg umrahpun penuh. So, takderla nak kecoh2. aku pun ayah tak ckp nak umrah cuma aku tau sdiri je and bagi aku tak perlu pun mak ayah nak bagi tau yer yer semua kita diorg nak pg umrah tu, famili kita kan sempoi2, tak mau la mcm drama swasta..... takder apa2 lah. Konsepnya mudah juga, bila dpt tau apa2, cuma ckp "la... mak nak g umrah ker... bila?... ok" atau "la.. bila nak pergi vacation tu?.... ooo... ok", tu ajerler.... bebudak ni pun tak tau apa2...
Well, I don't take it deeply in my heart for what he said is true. I am sensitive. What to do?

To my dear friend Ninie, since you are in Dubai and if you have time, fly to Makkah and look for my parents, can you? haha..crazy request. She's my good friend. Bet she must be feeling kind of in a mess now if she reads my request. hehehe..just kidding Ninie..

Lately I'm feeling mixed. Got these kinds of happy, uncertain, discomfort, lucky and so many other feelings inside of me at one time. Wondering why....(ninie, I am NOT pregnant, again).

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Happy Mother's Day

Mother's day. what did i do on that day? did i wish my mum? my mum in law? NOPE. why? I do not know.

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well, i did send a msg to kak chik, to ask her to wish my mum. and i called mum yesterday, wished her myself. sembang about few things kejap and hung up. thought nak pinjam duit, tak terkeluar kata2. mak mentioned about kenduri kawen adik dan ayu (my cousins), mak kata pak lang nak pakai P.A zairi. ok, dah bgtau zairi. then sebut plak pasal kenduri Johan, anak Busu Milah. mak kata mak tak dapat pergi but wakilkan aku dan angah.

"apsal mak tak pegi?

"mak kan nak pegi umrah.."

"umrah? bila? kakak tak tau pun?"

"eh? mak tak cakap ke? mak ingat dah bgtau semua. mak tgk semua mcm dah tau jek.."

"mak ni, kakak kan anak yang sulung..."

kata2 aku terhenti di situ. kecik hati aku hanya tuhan yang tahu. mak cuma ketawa pahit di hujung talian. mungkin terasa kot.


entahlah. mak memang mcm tu dgn aku dari dulu. ayah pun sama. kenapa? aku pun tak tau. mungkin sebab aku ni byk buat hal dulu kot. sudahnya, aku dok terasa hati dari hari ke hari dgn mak bapak sendiri. mungkin dulu mak ayah byk terasa hati dgn aku kot, jadi Tuhan balas pulak kat aku. betullah, Tuhan bayar cash sekarang. sedih rasa hati. tapi tak terucap dgn kata-kata. beratnya segala perasaan dalam hati buat aku selalu rasa tak selesa. i'm not feeling well lately, mungkin related to what i feel inside. God, give me strength. byk lagi yg perlu dilakukan. byk lagi yang mesti aku katakan.


ayah, kakak sayang ayah. tp kadang2 kakak terasa ayah tak sayang kakak. kalau kakak datang, ayah mcm tak suka. mak kata ayah memang mcm tu. ya, kakak tau. tp perasaan sedih tak boleh kakak sorok dan simpan lama2. byk pertanyaan terbuku dalam kepala. ayah, kenapa?

mak, kakak sayang mak jugak. bila dah kawen, br banyak benda kita boleh sembangkan bersama. kakak wonder, knp dr dulu kita tak mcm tu? kalau dr dulu kita leh sembang2 selalu, gurau senda, dsb mesti seronok, kan? mak tgk nona ahad lepas? yang istimewa hari ibu? mak anggap kakak anak yang mcm mana ek? kakak byk kecewakan mak dan ayah ye? apa yang kakak boleh buat lagi mak>? kakak nak juga rasa mcm mana mak ayah sayang angah, nina, kak chik dan adik. masalahnya, kakak tak nampak. yang kakak nampak cuma kemesraan mak dan ayah dgn adik2. kakak mcm dah terkeluar dari senarai 'anak2 mak & ayah'. kakak sedih mak.

ampunkan kakak, mak. ampunkan kakak, ayah.




Thursday, May 8, 2008

too many things..

Recently, my husband and I been talking quite a lot about the nation; our beloved country, Malaysia and the political scenario here. Including the current issues, regarding consumer products, high price of rice and music industry. Plus a little here and there about petrol and toll fees. Been exchanging emails with my cousin and she complaints about the same matters too. How business got affected and what will the future be, now that we are living under the opposition government here in Selangor. It does hurt, actually. The affection is quite bad I should say. For a new beginner in business sector, this situation is scary.
Watching the news lately, there are lots of disoriented ways of managing the state by the opposition party. There are still poor people here and there, which they promises the mountain even they couldn't even afford to give them an ant bush. The people are important. Not the money flows. The biggest pig farm in S.E Asia? Where does the sanity and sensitivity goes? But then, as I told my cousin, looking at the bright side, the opposition winnings recently did give a smack right at the faces of the BN party members (or should I say, leaders?) for not listening to the people. For neglecting the needs and the voices of the people of Malaysia. For being too confident and too comfortable on the seat that certainly can't bear their weight forever. They have forgotten about the will and trust given and now they let the people suffer for their mistakes.
I am looking forward for what will they do in order to gain back trust and reduce the anger of the people nationwide. Have they ever wonder why did the anger arise? It's simple. Ignorance. So now I think they have to work harder than usual to mend the broken hearts of many people and I bet it won't be easy. We shall wait, and see.



Sunday, May 4, 2008

clogged mind

assalamualaikum..

i have lots of things to be loaded down onto this page actually. it is just that my mind sort of clogged. too many things wander and too many things to remember. tired and getting more tired everyday. wonder why...
life is just great. with healthy and lovely and active kids, my life is full. plus a loving husband (even he sometimes doesn't show it; or maybe he doesn't know how to) life is fun. at least that's what i feel. but that doesn't mean that i am always happy and laughing and smiling. there are other things too that blocking my happy mood to be expressed one whole day to the whole world but i accept it as it is. if i want to jot down here or to make listings of things that make me happy and unhappy each day, the page just wont fit.
i am actually not a person who likes to express my feelings. i am the kind who like to hide it and keep things to myself. i don't know whether i can still carry the burden that's been loading since long time ago. i am afraid of what it might do to me. thank god, i have Him. whenever i got angry, stressed or tensed, i refer to Him. He may not answer or comfort me right away but at least i feel relieved. i want to be closer to Him everyday. i'm trying to do so. it's hard, that's true. but i will, in order to achieve calmness and cleaner, brighter, more relaxed mind and heart.



Ya Allah, hamba Mu ini amat memerlukan limpahan kasih sayang Mu. Bantulah aku, ya Allah. Hanya Kau yang maha mengetahui dan maha memahami segala yang bergolak dalam jiwa dan bermain dalam mindaku.







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